Okay, so you’ve got a first date coming up. You’re probably overthinking everything: what to wear, what to order, how to sit, whether to laugh at his jokes, when to make eye contact, if you should offer to split the check…
Stop. Take a breath. Here’s the secret the internet doesn’t want you to know: first dates aren’t actually that complicated. You’re just two people seeing if you vibe. That’s it.
But since you’re here looking for guidance, let me give you the actual moves that make guys want a second date—and spoiler alert, none of them involve playing games or pretending to be someone you’re not.
1. Show Up Looking Like You Care (But Not Like You’re Trying Too Hard)
There’s a sweet spot between rolling up in sweatpants and looking like you’re going to the Met Gala. Wear something that makes you feel confident and attractive, but also something you can actually eat in.
Pro Tip: Dress for the venue. Coffee date? Casual and cute. Nice restaurant? Step it up a notch. The goal is to look appropriate and feel comfortable.
2. Actually Be Present (Put Your Phone Away)
I cannot stress this enough: your phone should be on silent, face down, and ignored unless there’s a genuine emergency.
Nothing—and I mean NOTHING—says “I’m not interested” faster than constantly checking your phone. It’s rude, it’s distracting, and it tells him he’s not worth your full attention.
Example: He’s telling a story, and you glance at your phone. You just communicated that whatever notification popped up is more important than what he’s saying. Don’t do that.
3. Ask Questions (And Actually Listen to the Answers)
Good conversation is a tennis match, not a monologue. You ask something, he answers, you respond to what he said, ask a follow-up, share something related, and keep it flowing.
Example: He mentions he loves hiking. Instead of immediately launching into your hiking story, ask “What’s your favorite trail?” Show genuine curiosity about his experience first.
Pro Tip: The 70/30 rule—let him talk 70% of the time on a first date. People love talking about themselves, and he’ll leave thinking “wow, great conversation.”
4. Be Yourself (Yes, Really)
I know every dating article says this, but most people don’t actually do it. They show up as some curated version of themselves they think will be more appealing.
If you’re naturally sarcastic, be sarcastic. If you’re quirky, be quirky. If you’re quiet and thoughtful, don’t force yourself to be bubbly and outgoing.
The point of a first date is to see if there’s compatibility, and you can’t assess that if you’re playing a character.
Reality Check: If you have to pretend to be someone else to get a second date, you’ll have to keep pretending to keep him. That’s exhausting and unsustainable.
5. Laugh at His Jokes (If They’re Actually Funny)
Don’t fake-laugh at bad jokes to seem agreeable. But if he says something genuinely funny, laugh. Genuine laughter is attractive and creates connection.
Guys want to know they can make you laugh. It’s not about being a comedian—it’s about sharing humor and having fun together.
Example: He makes a terrible pun. Instead of forcing a laugh, you can smile and say “That was terrible” in a playful way. That’s more authentic than fake-laughing and more fun than being stone-faced.
6. Show Interest Without Being Desperate
There’s a difference between being engaged and being clingy. You can be enthusiastic about the date without acting like he’s your last hope for happiness.
Make eye contact. Smile. Lean in slightly when he’s talking. These are signals that say “I’m enjoying this” without screaming “I’m desperate for this to work.”
Pro Tip: Mirror his energy level. If he’s leaning back and relaxed, you can be too. If he’s leaning in and engaged, match that. It creates natural rapport.
7. Don’t Interview Him (Or Let Him Interview You)
First dates shouldn’t feel like job interviews. Avoid the rapid-fire question format: “Where did you go to school? What do you do? Where are you from? How many siblings do you have?”
Let conversation flow naturally. Weave questions into actual discussion instead of making it feel like you’re working through a checklist.
Example: Instead of “What do you do for work?” try “So what’s been taking up most of your time lately?” It’s more conversational and lets him share what’s actually important to him right now.
8. Be Gracious About the Check
When the check comes, make a genuine gesture to pay or split. If he insists on paying, let him with a gracious “thank you.” If he expects to split, do so without making it weird.
Pro Tip: Handle it gracefully either way. Don’t make a political statement about gender roles over appetizers.
9. End on a High Note (Don’t Overstay)
Even if the date is going amazing, don’t let it drag on for six hours. Leave while things are still good and you both want more.
There’s something to be said for ending while you’re both still having fun. It creates anticipation and makes him look forward to seeing you again.
Example: After a great two-hour dinner, if he suggests going somewhere else, you can say “I’d love to, but I have an early morning. Let’s definitely do this again soon though.” You’re showing interest while also showing you have boundaries and a life.
10. Make Your Interest Clear (If You’re Interested)
Here’s where women mess up constantly: they play so hard to get that the guy has no idea they’re actually interested.
If you had a good time, SAY SO. “I had a really good time tonight” is a perfectly acceptable thing to say at the end of a date. You don’t need to play coy and mysterious.
Reality Check: Good men aren’t turned off by genuine interest. Insecure men are. So being clear about your interest is actually a great filter.
11. Don’t Overshare or Trauma Dump
First dates are not the time to unpack your entire emotional history. Keep it light, keep it fun, keep it surface-level.
Example: If he asks about your last relationship, “It didn’t work out, but I learned a lot” is better than a 20-minute breakdown of everything your ex did wrong.
12. Follow Up (But Don’t Be Weird About It)
After the date, send a simple text thanking him for the evening. Something like “Thanks for tonight, I had a great time!” is perfect.
Don’t play the waiting game. Don’t make him wonder if you’re interested. If you are, communicate that clearly.
And then—and this is important—let him make the next move if he wants to see you again. You’ve expressed interest; now give him space to reciprocate.
Reality Check: If he doesn’t reach out within a few days after you’ve made your interest clear, he’s probably not that interested. And that’s okay. Better to know now than three months from now.
The Real Secret
You want to know what actually makes a guy want a second date? It’s not any single move or technique. It’s this: he feels good when he’s around you.
That’s it. That’s the secret.
If he leaves the date feeling like you had fun together, like conversation was easy, like you were genuinely yourself, like there’s potential for something real—he’ll want to see you again.
All of these “moves” are really just ways to facilitate that feeling. Be present, be genuine, be interested, be interesting, and don’t play games.
The right guy will appreciate the real you. The wrong guy will filter himself out. And honestly? That’s exactly what first dates are for.
P.S. — If you followed all this advice and he still doesn’t want a second date, it’s not because you did something wrong. Sometimes there’s just no chemistry, and that’s nobody’s fault. On to the next.
P.P.S. — And if he DOES want a second date but you realize you’re not actually interested? Be honest and direct. “I had a nice time, but I don’t think we’re a romantic match” is kinder than ghosting or leading him on. Treat people the way you’d want to be treated.
