why do guys go cold after breakup

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Did your guy go cold after a breakup too? Oh goodness! Here’s why they do so & what you can do.

We’ve all been there: You’re head-over-heels in love with a guy, and things are going great…until they’re not. Suddenly, he’s pulling away, being distant, and acting cold. I mean, whatttt?

It sucks, and it’s totally confusing.

And more than enough to make you wonder where did you go wrong — and whether he’s ever going to come back around. 

No matter how many times you’ve been through it before, the pain always seems to cut just as deep. So what’s going on? Why do guys go cold after a breakup? And What to do when a guy goes cold after a breakup?

What’s happening?

As it turns out, the truth is, it’s often not just a sudden change in heart. There are typically red flags and warning signs that appear before a breakup, and it’s important for us to be able to recognize them.

Or, it could be that guys don’t always know how to deal with breakups. Just like us, they can get caught up in their emotions and struggle to process what’s happened. Yes, guys do feel and notice things; it’s just not us girls’ department anymore.

As a result, they might withdraw from the situation altogether and go cold (I know, not the answer). But it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re never coming back. In fact, there are a lot of reasons why guys go cold after a breakup. Here are just a few of them:

Why do guys go cold after a breakup?

1. They’re trying to protect themselves from getting hurt again.

why guys go cold after breakup

A lot of times, guys will go cold after a breakup because they’re trying to protect themselves from getting hurt again. They probably have been through the pain of a relationship ending before and don’t want to go through it again. I mean, who wants to?

Maybe you did something or put them in a situation where a breakup seemed inevitable to them, so they started withdrawing from it.

And even if we girls feel that it’s easier for guys to handle breakups, you have no idea what storms go inside their heads.

They are not just drinking and partying, and they defo don’t like to get hurt. So, their first response to any of your behavior which was troublesome for them, is to distance themselves emotionally in an attempt to avoid getting hurt again. 

2. They need time to figure out their feelings. 

Part of the reason why guys go cold after a breakup is that they’re trying to figure out their own feelings about what happened. I know it’s confusing, like what did they wanted more when things were going so smoothly?

Ya, maybe for you, but they prolly needed to reflect upon certain things.

Be honest with yourself here – did you do or say something that made him pull away? Or was there a situation created that basically gave him the idea that you two cannot function together? 

They might not be sure if they want to get back together or are ready to move on. So instead of talking about their feelings with you (which btw is like shaking Mount Everest for them), they retire and try to figure things out on their own. 

You need to know that it’s much easier for a guy to pull themselves away from the situation than actually face it. They are like a baby beneath that body!

3. Maybe They didn’t go cold after the breakup, they were always cold.

why he is getting cold after a breakup

You know what, you really cannot expect much from a man who wasn’t even emotionally available when you were in a freakin’ relationship. 

I mean, think about it. 

There are some people (the narcissist kind) who are simply deprived of empathy. They don’t have a bone for compassion, and they cannot really feel the pain other people might have gone through due to their actions. 

And if that’s the case, girl, you really need to let him go. He’s not the one to stay in a relationship with and marriage with them is off sight.

4. They need time to heal and move on.

Just like you, guys need time to heal after a breakup too. And oftentimes, the best way for them to do that is by being alone and focusing on themselves. 

When you’re constantly texting him or wanting to see him in person, it’s harder for them to move on and get over the relationship and process what happened.

Some guys are like that, and you need to respect that. They are not the ones to be friends with after a breakup. It’s difficult for them to suppress their feelings like that. 

So babe, respect their boundaries and let them be. If they want to be with you, they will come by eventually. But right now may not be the best time to get in touch with them.

5. They want to punish you for breaking their heart. 

You know, this is not something a man would usually do but trust me when you hurt a guy real deep, you know things are coming back at ya.

And even though they may not do evil things like us girls might (sometimes), they could just go cold after a breakup and let you enjoy your own doing.

6. They think that by going cold, you’ll realize how much you need them and come running back. 

why is he getting cold after a breakup

This is such a common behavior that I notice in many relationships. The silent treatment or disappearing from the lives of your partner for a short moment just to make them realize what they’re missing. 

Even though it may not be the best possible solution, this clearly shows that he wants to feel loved and needed in your life. 

Maybe you took him for guaranteed, and he realized that. Or maybe it’s his usual childlike behavior.

If it’s your fault, I’d ask you to go comfort him, tell him that even though you may take his presence for guaranteed sometimes, you love him and very much need him. Do whatever it takes, girl!

But if it’s the latter situation, I’d recommend you let him go because, babe, how long are you really gonna run after him like his mom, huh? You guys are adults, and it’s time you be one.

7. Maybe, things ended for him way before the actual breakup

Yes, maybe you didn’t see it coming, but things were not looking good on his part.

Maybe he started to pull away, becoming distant and less interested in spending time with you somewhere down the line. Perhaps he stopped making plans or canceled last minute more frequently. 

These indirect actions can indicate that his feelings started shifting a long time ago, and the relationship is no longer a priority for him. 

And when he dropped the breakup bomb, maybe you were not ready for it but he was. And when you were processing all of it, he was already over with the situation in his head and decided to move on quicker than you. 

I know it’s a little hard to go accept this, but go back 2-3 months and start seeing the situations from this angle. You’ll find the red flags all over.

If not, go talk to him. Ask what happened. Where did you go wrong?

8. It could be a defense mechanism.

man acting cold after breakup reasons

By being cold after a breakup, they won’t have to deal with the pain and hurt of the situation. They won’t have to see your face, which they loved dearly, and they won’t have to show you their vulnerable side.

If you really want this breakup, it’s ideal to let them be for a while. Let them heal and move on and be in their best shape before you get in touch with them to know how they feel. 

As I say, not all guys are up for being friends after they break up.

9. They simply weren’t that invested. 

Another reason could be that they simply weren’t as invested in the relationship as you were. This could mean that they were just looking for something temporary or maybe they weren’t completely over their ex. Maybe you were their rebound. Orrrr, they wanted something casual and you were giving them a hard time with that.

If it’s any of these cases, trust me, you’re better off without him because who needs another casual relationship to shatter your heart in pieces?

10. He’s not the one to stay friends with after the breakup.

Some guys just don’t have it in them to be friends after a breakup. 

Maybe he feels like he has betrayed his best friend by ending the relationship and can’t even look you in the eye without feeling really uneasy. Or maybe it’s too painful for him to continue this friendship knowing that things didn’t work out and he’s not with you anymore.

Whatever the reason, some guys just aren’t wired to be friends after a breakup and he’s one from this lot.

11. He’s just busy enjoying his single life.

What to do when he's acting cold after a breakup

There’s a big difference between guys who break up with you cold-heartedly and guys who go their separate ways after the breakup. If your ex is enjoying his life and moving on, it’s not because he went cold. It just means that he’s over you already and has accepted the situation long ago.

So if you guys broke up, it’s better to respect that and move on and find someone who needs you as much as you need him. Someone who is thirsty for your love and wants to spend his life with you. Okay, that’s too much for a start, but you get the point, right?

So let them enjoy themselves and try to relish your life.

 12. He’s moved on to someone else.

In some cases, guys just aren’t that into you, or maybe they were never really into you. If this is what happened, he’s not going cold – he’s simply moved on and found someone else to fill the void. And if that’s the case, there’s no point in chasing after him because it will only make you feel worse in the end.

So, take it as a sign that it’s time to move on yourself. You deserve better anyways, darling! And once you’ve found your perfect match, trust me, all of those heartbreaks will be worth it.​

13. He still loves you.

Don’t tell me you were waiting to hear this.

Another major reason why guys go cold after a breakup is that they still love you. Maybe the relationship just got too intense, or maybe he’s dealing with some deep-rooted issues like commitment and giving out love. Maybe he’s not ready enough to judge the situation better so pulled himself away to figure things out.

So, if you think you and your ex are meant to be, don’t give up on him just yet. Instead, try talking to him, working through your issues, and getting back together again. You guys may have a real chance of making things work if you’re both willing to put in the effort. After all, love always finds its way!​

14. They think that if they ignore you, you’ll go away and leave them alone—which is what they really want right now, anyway.

If your ex is going cold on you and ignoring all of your attempts to reach out (even your emails), it could be that they’re simply trying to avoid any potential confrontation or conflict. They might be wishing that if they ignore you long enough, you’ll eventually give up and leave them alone.

15. He just doesn’t want you to think he wants to get back together

Or something like that. The guys just don’t know how to act after a breakup, and they sometimes end up acting very distant or cold toward you. It can be really frustrating to deal with this behavior, though.

I mean, just fu*king say it, right?

16. They want to be the good guy.

You know why guys may go cold after a breakup? Sometimes, some guys just want to make themselves look like the “good guy” in the situation. They may feel as though they failed or messed up somehow during the relationship, and by acting cold towards you post-breakup, they can try to redeem themselves in their own minds.

So messy.

What to do when a guy goes cold after a breakup

1. Try talking to him

why do guys go cold after a breakup

Communicating openly and honestly is always the best approach when resolving any kind of conflict or misunderstanding. Telling him about your feelings and, how hurting it is to see him acting cold and why you think he’s acting this way could be a great start.

And if there is still something left between you guys, he’ll feel that too, and come back to talk.

2. Don’t Take it Personally

The first thing you need to do is not take it personally. I know it feels like he’s doing this to hurt you, but chances also are he’s just trying to deal with the breakup in his own way. He might feel embarrassed, guilty, or even relieved, and he doesn’t know how to deal with those feelings yet. So give him some space and try not to take his behavior personally.

Because babe, you are so much bigger than this tiny tantrums.

3. Reach Out to Your Friends and Family

When a guy goes cold after a breakup, it can be really lonely and isolating. So make sure to reach out to your friends and family for support during this time. They’ll be there for you when you need to talk or just need a shoulder to cry on.

Go on a lunch, a weekend getaway, or maybe just go to their place and talk about your feelings.

4. Stay Busy

It’s important to stay busy when a guy goes cold after a breakup. This is not the time to sit around and mope about what could have been. Get out there and live your life! Go on dates, hang out with your friends, and just enjoy being single. The more you keep yourself busy, the less time you’ll have to dwell on your ex and what he’s up to.

5. Focus on Yourself

Finally, remember to focus on yourself during this time. A lot of times, we get so wrapped up in our relationships that we forget about our own needs and wants. This is the perfect opportunity to focus on YOU!

Do something that makes YOU happy, whether it’s taking a yoga class or going on a weekend getaway with your girlfriends. You deserve it!

How long does it take for a guy to miss you after a breakup?

It all depends on the individual and the dynamics of your relationship. Some guys might not even realize they miss you until months or years later, while others might start pining for you immediately after a breakup.

How do you know if a guy is hurt after a breakup?

First off, keep an eye out for any drastic changes in behavior or appearance. Has he suddenly picked up a new hobby or changed his entire wardrobe? These actions could be a cry for attention or a desperate attempt to feel better about himself.

Next, how is he acting around mutual friends and acquaintances? Is he going out of his way to appear “over it,” constantly talking about potential love interests or flaunting his newfound independence? Chances are, these behaviors are simply a façade to hide his true emotions.

Lastly, pay attention to his social media presence. Is he liking and commenting on your pages with frequency, or subtly throwing shade at the relationship through posts and status updates? If so, it’s likely that he still has feelings for you and is trying to cope with the pain of the breakup.

At the end of the day, only time will heal a broken heart, but recognizing these red flags can offer some understanding and closure during the healing process.

Last words on why guys go cold after a breakup

No one likes getting dumped, but it happens to all of us at some point in our lives.

And if he goes deadly cold, these are just some of the reasons why guys go cold after a breakup. If your guy has gone cold on you, try not to take it personally—and see if you can rectify this situation.

And who knows? Maybe he’ll come around eventually, and you’ll be able to work things out. Stranger things have happened! Or you’ll be moving on to greener pastures – that sounds like a plan too!

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