Read this article on how to spot if the perfect man for you is really just a player, and what you can do about it.
Hi girlfriend! How’s this new guy coming?
I am assuming, not so good! Is he acting weird lately? Ghosting you? Not replying to your texts or cancelling plans?
There are a few types of guys. One is a player and other are the good ones. And if you think you may have hit the crackpot, let me show you what are the real signs of a player and if you need to bail or stick as of this moment.
I have had a terrible ex and he was big time player, and a manipulator, and all things inimical. He gave me all the red flags and I ignored them very peacefully sitting in my pajamas and imagining marriage with him, lol. Not funny, though!
All I can say is, I have learnt my lessons and now I can easily spot out all the signs which needed to be to save myself from a heartbreak!
And here are all of them. So save yourself girl!! But don’t overreact on small things. Drop a comment and I’ll tell you if you’re overreacting or doing everything right, okay?! Let’s get started…
signs he is a player
1. he has started pulling away
Players generally have everything sorted. They always know how and when to pull away from a person.
So if everything was great and now you see that he is no longer interested in communicating, taking out time for you, or hardly calling or texting you, he sure is trying to pull away from you. And yes, you have a reason to worry!
I mean, think about it, irrespective of your relationship status, if you experience a sudden decline in the number of times he contacts you or going out for a date becomes rare, this signals that he has had it with you and now it’s time for the next one in his list.
2. He Doesn’t Want You To Mingle With His/her friends
If you are dating or in a serious relationship, friends are usually the first point of contact with your partner. They are your regular hanging buddies. But if he is hesitant to let you mingle with his friends, you know things are not as clear as it seems.
Yes, I agree that at the beginning of a relationship, some people may fear letting you in their inner circle due to past traumas, but when a guy is serious about a girl, he loves to show her off to his friends. And that’s a good sign!
So if he is a player, he won’t let you meet his friends just to keep his options open and not to hear criticism about his life choices from his true friends (if he has any, which I doubt!)
3. Spends Too Much Time Chatting on the Phone
Isn’t this obvious? When you are right here in front of him, what business does he have in his phone all day?
Of course, he can have work calls, but they don’t ring your phone 24×7, do they?
Then he might have a family to hear to, but does that mean he gets to ignore you all the freakin’ time?
I am giving him the benefit of the doubt that maybe his friends need him. But girl, you’ll know when it’s ‘a friend in need’ chatting and when it’s ‘I’ve got a girl to impress’ chatting.
4. He Won’t Allow You To Touch His Phone
Related to that, if he is doing something suspicious, he just won’t have it with his phone.
He would carry it everywhere, change social media passwords frequently, change phone passcodes often, goes to attend
calls work calls, receives calls at odd hours, repeatedly check his/her phone while on a date with you, or keeps on texting instead of focusing on you; these are all signs he is a player.
And if you, by any chance, get to open his phone or scroll through a few things, he would legit freak out.
But remember, there are certain situations where this might not seem like a big issue. For instance, when he didn’t use to care about his phone ever and just recently started doing so, it may mean that he’s planning a surprise or a getaway or something special for you that he needs to hide.
So don’t always get worried about some actions. You’ll see the red flags of a player clearly from the initials stages only.
5. cares so much about his appearance all the time
Generally, it’s the women who can’t get enough of themselves. And men would wear the same t-shirt for a whole week and get away with it.
So when a man starts to focus on his appearance and body for all the wrong reasons, you know you picked the wrong guy.
Enrolling in a gym, getting frequent haircuts, buying new clothes, and taking care of his skin are all indicators that he wants to look desirable for his next hunt!
And I read a quote a long time ago which is partially true — “A man won’t make 6-pack abs to impress only one girl.”
6. He No longer Talks About The Future With You
If you have dated for a long time, discussing the future together is inevitable. However, if your partner avoids making future plans with you, there’s a cause for concern.
Maybe he finds conversations about your plans irritating and complains that you think too much about yourself. Or you would find him say things like, “it’s so down the line, I haven’t even put any thought into it.”
Players also have this pet line, “I am swamped with work right now, I don’t have time for settling down.”
And I am here to justify work-life and down-the-line reasons, but when you are together for so long, even if the marriage is not the next thing you wanna do, a couple in love would still have beautiful little future plans for themselves.
7. he love bombed you in the beginning!
Do you know what love bombing is?
It is when a guy smothers you with love, care, and affection in the beginning (when you are dating or just came into a relationship). And no, it may seem like a honeymoon phase, but it’s not.
Players usually love bomb a woman without even knowing her completely!! It’s just to swoon her away and sweep her off her feet to make her fall in love with him (often to have sex).
So if that has happened or is happening right now, you know you are in for a heartbreak.
8. Calls You by Your name
I remember when Parav and I began this relationship, we promised we wouldn’t call each other all these stinky, mushy names because they are just so…cheeeeesy.
But guess what? Calling each other koochie poo and honey boo came naturally to us, lol. And I think this is a part of a relationship. And even if you wouldn’t have it too cheesy, simple babe and baby are common cute names everybody would have.
So when he suddenly stops calling you all those romantic names and starts calling you by your name, chances are there’s another person stealing him from you.
This is a clear sign that your partner intends to distance him from the relationship and that you are not living in his thoughts now.
9. He Doesn’t Create Time for You
I wish all the time that I could be around him all day and I know he wishes that too. I can see that!
And why not? Wanting to spend time with your partner is the wish of everyone in love.
But what if you doubt him to be a player?
Yes, a player who is busy playing with so many women’s feeling may not have time for you. May not have time to go on dates, pick your calls, or facetime you. It’s not like he doesn’t create time, he just cannot with all the women he has to pick and drop.
Okay that’s too harsh but the reality has to be said.
And if this is being happening just recently and everything was okay before, maybe it’s a sign he’s pulling away.
10. he just wants to have sex asap!
This is one of the biggest and most common signs of a player. Because why else he’s roaming around with all the women?
He’s not interested in getting to know you or developing a relationship – he just wants to use you for sex. And chances are, he’s done this before. Players are experts at manipulating women and making them believe they’re the only one. They know just what to say and how to say and convince a woman for early sex, even when she may not be ready.
And babe, I have seen even the most strong-headed women fall for this trap! So don’t count yourself out.
But trust me, if he is a player, he’s got a whole harem of women he’s doing this to. So if you’re not looking for a quick hookup, steer clear of players. They’ll only break your heart in the end.
11. He parties wayyyy too much
For the longest time, I was against this rule. I love partying myself and this how can letting it loose be a sign that I am flirting with other men.
But girl, this is different for men. It was just recently that one of my friends came to me crying that his boyfriend is partying a lot. And I advice her that just because you don’t like that, doesn’t mean he should stop. Let him enjoy!
But turns out, he started coming home early in the morning after partying and the only intention he was out in the clubs was to woo women and get laid.
So ya, partying way too much is a serious red flag that he is a player.
12. he doesn’t want to be seen with you in public
My ex did this. Yep, he strictly told me to not let a single soul know that we’re dating. Not ven my best friends. He would never ever go out with me, we never had a single date in 8 months. Yep, and I still didn’t see that coming.
Just think about it, why would a guy not want you both to be seen together?
- He doesn’t wanna let his family catch you two – his family cannot be at all places all the time. There has to be places his family would never go.
- Or he doesn’t want others to see him with you – maybe because he doesn’t want to get judged, or hear advice, or doesn’t want people seeing him entering the same cafe with different woman everytime.
- And last, he doesn’t want any of his other girls to see him with you – which is quite obvious so needs to explanation.
13. he don’t let you leave his things at his place
If you’re wondering whether the guy you’re seeing is a player, one sign to look out for is whether he lets you leave your things at his place. If he’s constantly asking you to leave before he has to get up for work in the morning, or if he always has somewhere he needs to be after spending time with you, it’s a sign that he’s not interested in anything serious.
Or if you by mistake forgets a thing at his place, he makes a huge scene about it, that’s a red flag!
Because you know, he probably has to answer all the questions his next girlfriend will ask him, lol.
He may be fun to play around with, but if you’re looking for something more long-term, you’re better off moving on.
14. he cannot live without Snapchat
Snapchat is player’s number 1 tool. You cannot see a trace of the chat, there’s no backlog, it’s all safe. You can change the name of the person to one of your dudes, you open a streak and it disappears. It’s so safe and secretive, right?
15. He is Over Defensive
If innocent questions you throw at your partner make him angry, then there’s a cause for alarm. For example, he shouts unnecessarily when you ask about his whereabouts or with who he was.
Because if there’s nothing to hide, why feel defensive?
In that case, you should take a deeper look into his life to collect traces of cheating evidence.
16. he Compares You With Their Friends
Don’t you love it when your he sees you as the only star in the world? But if the tables have turned and he no longer appreciated you, instead, compares you with other people, it’s clear he wants an out of this relationship and is just finding foolish reasons for that.
Criticizing your appearance, what dress or outfit you’ve put on, your career, your life choices, and your friends. In short, he starts finding fault in everything about you and even tries to push you away emotionally, it’s an indication that he’s probably done this with others and it is his style of getting out of a relationship.
17. he throws sudden Mood Swings
Of course, people may experience mood swings due to less sleep, stress, burnout, nutrition, or exhaustion.
We are not saying he’s not allowed to have them. Just watch out for his intention for showing them.
Does he throw a tantrum when you ask him questions? Does he hide behind a mood swing when you try to touch his phone? Is mood swings his usual reason to not go out with you?
Just see what’s he’s doing and connect everything.
18. he starts fighting unecessarily
If you are suddenly quarreling over petty issues and picking fights every time, it signals that the affair may not stand the test of time. This may happen if he feels trapped with you.
You know players are so clever. He may do this to apportion blame and create room for separation.
He may start picking minor fights with you, making you drain yourself emotionally, fighting over petty things in the relationship.
You should therefore watch out for these red flags to understand whether your partner is still interested in the affair or looking for reasons to pull out. The earlier you notice, the faster you can work out the issues with your partner or exit to avoid heartbreak.
19. He won’t tell you about their true whereabouts
If your guy won’t tell you where he is or what he’s doing, it’s a pretty clear sign that he’s a player. He’s not interested in having a serious relationship with you, and he doesn’t want you to know what he’s up to.
He’s probably got a lot of different women on the go, and he doesn’t want any of them to know about the others. If you’re dating a player, you’ll never really know where you stand. He’s always going to be playing games with you, and you’ll never be able to trust him.
It’s not worth getting involved with someone like that. You deserve better.
20. he knows exactly how to impress a woman
If you are not the first hunt of your player boyfriend, it’s easy to assume he has done this quite many times.
Wooing women is just his thing. So he knows literally every word and pick up line that would work. Like Barney Stinson from How I met your mother. He literally had a book of things that works on a women.
What makes you think your partner doesn’t have one (if he is a player, just as you figured out).
21. He’s always on the move
If you’re dating a guy and he’s always on the move, it’s a sign that he’s a player. He might not be interested in you, he might just be trying to get laid. Or, he might be interested in you, but he’s also interested in other women.
You see him and you’re like, “Who is that guy?” He always has his eye on the ball. If there’s a girl in the room, he’s going to find her. He’s a total player.
22. He has a lot of female friends
Friends are not a bad thing. Don’t get me wrong.
But covering all the women he’s flirting with by a curtain name – friend is absolutely wrong.
My ex used to do this. He had so many female friends and he used to flirt with them all the time. And upon asking, he’d say that it’s just healthy friendship. I meannnnnnn.
So if you get a sense that all these women are not giving you a very friendly vibe, it’s possible that that’s true. They not be friends in the first place.
23. His conversations are all about himself
If you’re out on a date and you find that the conversation is all about him, it’s a sign that he’s a player. He’s probably not interested in getting to know you and is just trying to impress you with stories about himself and conquests just with a motive to swoon you away. And eventually get laid.
So if you’re looking for a meaningful relationship, it’s best to move on and find someone who’s more interested in talking about you.
24. Avoiding Friends and Certain places
A person who is no longer interested in the relationship will not only keep you away from friends and relatives but also from certain places. This is in a bid to keep the affair a top secrete so that the other person you now value may not either bump on you or get wind of the existing affair.
No matter how secretive people can be, there’s either a friend or relative who can see you with your partner and tell other people out there. To avoid controversy, your partner will avoid places where people could have seen him/her with another man/woman.
For example, your partner may avoid your favorite parks, pubs, and restaurants and find secluded places for you to go instead. A change of choice is fine, but sudden rapid changes raise red flags.
25. He always prefers beauty over brains
If a guy always chooses the pretty girl over the smart one, it’s a sign he’s a player. He’s not interested in a real relationship or a deeper connection; he just wants to have some fun.
It doesn’t mean you have to categorize yourself now if you are a pretty or smarter one. It just means that see if he judges a girl (any girl), by her beauty or brains.
And babe, that’s fine if that’s what you’re looking for, too. But if you’re interested in something more serious, you should steer clear of this guy. He’s just not worth your time.
26. He is a commitment phobe
Just like my famous ex, if he too cannot fathom making it official with you in front of his and your friends at least, either he’s just toooooooooo scared of comittement due to his past traumas, or he just doesn’t want to as he wants to keep his options wide open and play the field. He doesn’t want to be tied down to one person and will do whatever he can to avoid getting serious.
And if he’s genuinely scared, you’ll know because he’ll communicate that if his feeling for you are true. But if not, you have to understand yourself.
27. He can’t remember specials dates or even your birthday
I mean, how difficult is it to remember a few dates with one person? But what about there are many women in the line?
Of course it becomes difficult.
And babe, don’t beat him up for forgetting it once or twice. It may happen if someone is really stressful as well.
28. He is a big-time manipulator
Oh manipulators are my least favorite kind of person. Not because I get manipulated quite easily, but because they alwaysssss have a way.
Ask them anything and they’ll always have an answer, right or wrong doesn’t matter. They’ll tell you a thing (even if it’s a lie or wrong) in a way that you’ll be convinced easily.
And players are always a big-time manipulators. They’re good at reading people and knowing how to push their buttons to get what they want. They’ll even manipulate to sleep with them even when you don’t want to or are not comfortable.
29. He always knows how to talk you out of it
Players are often charming and smooth talkers. They know how to sweet-talk their way into your heart and your pants. Just like how they swooned you away in the beginning, they’ll make you believe them and would never get caught.
So if he’s showing such signs, I think you need to open your eyes and notice his behavior. Does he change the topic or distract you somehow or pass a flirt or appreciation? Does he not let you have ‘the talk’? Does he always have a solid reason for every wrong thing he does?
30. He always refers to you as a friend on social media & in public
If social media is his life and he’s always posting life updates but you are not included in that, something is fishy.
If he always refers to you as a friend on social media and in public, it’s a sign he’s a player. He’s not ready to DTR (define the relationship) and is probably playing the field. He doesn’t want to label you as his girlfriend because that would mean he’d have to be exclusive with you. And he’s not ready for that commitment.
final thoughts on signs he is a player
Well, there you have it. Thirty dead giveaways that the dude you’re dating is totally a player. If he checks off even two of these boxes, bail! Consider yourself warned—and armed with some extra insight into the male brain.
Dating can be confusing and frustrating, but hopefully, this list will help make things a little bit easier for you as you navigate your way through the early stages of relationships. Did we miss any surefire signs that he’s a player? Share them with us in the comments below!
related articles to signs he is a player
- What To Do When He Pulls Away? Let Him Go? Should I Do The Same?
- How To Make A Guy Regret Ghosting You: 16 Epic Ways To Kick His Ass
- 24 No Bullsh*T Signs He’s Never Coming Back, So Stop Wasting Your Time