Let’s talk about breakups and that frustrating 30-day no-contact rule.
Modern-day relationships are more dramatic than ever, and there is hardly any person who hasn’t gone through a breakup or heartbreak in their life. It has become so common that people have started to normalize heartbreaks on the account that they are an integral part of one’s personal and emotional growth.
Well, let’s not dig deep into that part. Jokes apart, but a breakup is indeed a very pathetic thing to get over, well, as I write this, in the other part of the world, millions of couples are breaking up, hoping they find their way here, no offense. Life happens, and acceptance is what keeps your shit intact and going.
Well, coming to the most talked about of the entire so-called Rule, which I prefer to call a tactic for yourself and your relationship: the golden 30-day No Contact Rule, after which the ball is in your court to either move on with your life or reconcile back from where it all started.
What is the 30-day no-contact rule?
As the title goes, one going through breakups and heartbreaks, young ladies and gentlemen are expected to maintain absolutely no contact with their partner at all, no matter what the situation. And here, no means NO! It indeed is the most difficult phase of any relationship, but it works.
The one who meant everything to you, the one with whose message your days would have started, the one who would have been your favorite fire brigade solving all the mess in your life, is now all of a sudden the person who made the biggest mess of your life and you are left with nothing but screaming F**maah life is a mess, holy s**u
No worries, I’m here to guide you through this hell and trust me, you’ll thank me later.
Why does the 30-day no-contact rule work?
We all know how hard it is to keep ourselves from reaching out to our ex – whether it’s turning off notifications from an ex or deleting their number, but here’s the thing: it works.
The purpose of the 30-day no-contact rule is basically to give you enough time and distance to clear your head, reflect on what went wrong in the relationship, and prioritize yourself. You need this time to recalibrate your emotions so that when you do reach out (if you make the decision to) – you’re doing so from a place of clarity.
It may seem like an eternity waiting it out, but trust me – this detox plan helps to nurse your broken heart back to health.
And how I am so sure that it works?
Because denying access to drama and information overload is key in rebooting and replenishing our peace of mind while allowing time for both parties to heal. I know it’s tough at first, but trust me – it’s so worth investing in yourself! Doing things for ourselves will help us feel better inside and out.
The benefits of following the 30-day no-contact rule
1. More time for YOU
This may seem like a strange benefit, but when you’re in a relationship, it’s easy to forget about your own needs and wants. By taking some time for yourself, you can reconnect with what’s important to you and what makes you happy.
2. Improved mental health
Another benefit of following the 30-day no-contact rule is improved mental health. This is because the no-contact rule gives you time to heal from the pain of the breakup and to focus on positive things in your life. And if you didn’t already figure it out, the no contact rule can help to reduce feelings of anxiety and depression.
3. better physical health
And when you’re feeling better mentally, you’re also more likely to take care of yourself physically. For instance, you’re more likely to eat healthy foods and exercise regularly when you’re feeling good about yourself.
4. More time to prioritize your career
If you’ve been neglecting your career in favor of your relationship, then the 30-day no-contact rule can give you the opportunity to refocus on your career. This is a great benefit if you’ve been wanting to make a change in your career or if you’ve been wanting to advance in your current field.
5. you can now focus on your hobbies and interests as well
Relationships are tough. They ask for a lot of attention and compromise. But this no-contact rule will give you enough time to hop onto your long-lost interests. For example, maybe you love painting but haven’t had time to pick up a brush in months. Or maybe you love hiking but haven’t been able to get out on the trails lately. By taking some time for yourself, you can rediscover the things that make you happy and fulfilled.
6. self-esteem could touch the sky!
This is because when you take some time for yourself, it allows you to focus on your own positive qualities and accomplishments rather than dwelling on your past relationship failures. Additionally, by not contacting your ex during this period, you’re sending a strong message to yourself that you are worthy of respect and deserve better treatment than what they were giving you.
What to do in the no-contact period?
Now that you really are not contacting your ex, it’s time to make the most out of it.
1. Bring clarity to your thoughts
Just after the breakup, your mind feels clumsier than ever, and you feel lost. The urge to get up from bed and go to work feels insurmountable. People generally face two types of tendencies either they overeat or consume products just to stop bringing back any memories of their past or their partner and the time they spent together, or they eat very less, basically suffering from appetite loss.
This is the time one sits down with herself because all these while they have been so much engrossed in their partner and their relationship that they miss out on the equally important things and matters. Now the time has come to sit down and decide what exactly you want from this relationship.
- How much important is this relationship for you?
- Is it worth thriving for reconciliation?
- Is it helping you in your growth?
Eventually, one question will lead you to another, and you will get clarity in your thoughts about your take on this relationship. Be practical and do a cost-benefit analysis of the effect of your relationship on your life. If you find it is worth it and you’re in a stage where there is no going back, think again, but if you feel no, it’s no longer working out, and it’s better to call off now than repent later, go for it.
Stay firm in your decision. Initially, things will seem very cumbersome but try practicing them, force yourself to decide upon these questions because you can’t stay in the mist for long. It will only increase the number of days you want to stay as a sufferer, victim of the situations, and other deeds reducing your productivity. Take control of the reins of your life before the situation takes control and makes you dance to their tunes.
This is the next step after you get clarity on what exactly went wrong in this inning of your life. Instead of blaming whose fault it was, try to figure out what went wrong. Shit happens, but what matter is learning from them and never repeating it. Use your memories as a lesson and stay alert when you find yourself again getting trapped in the same loop.
Take appropriate precautions so that you don’t land up in the same mess again. It will dig your path toward healing. Once you have known your backdrops, it’s time to work on them.
3. Reconcile your relationship with yourself
The person with whom you have been least in touch for quite a while now is YOU, and all your time, dedication, and devotion belongs to no one but you. Start by forgiving yourself for everything that happened. Just believe things happen for good and believe this universe has some bigger plans on the way for you. Indulge yourself in some self-love.
- Learn to let go of things that didn’t work in your favor.
- Don’t be harsh on yourself; just know it’s you who deserve our love and care the most.
- For some time, avoid your usual playlist and the songs that remind you of your ex.
- Trying to be mindful of the things that matter more in your life.
- Hit the gym and get yourself shaped and prioritize your health. A healthy mind stays in a healthy body.
- Do some socializing. Catch up with old friends. Avoid meeting you and your partner’s common friends for the time being until you are healed enough to talk about it without feeling bothered.
- Visit your family and spend some quality time with them. If things go out of control, don’t hesitate to take sessions with a professional counselor or relationship expert.
4. Focus on things that matter more
If you have made up your mind, you want to move on. It is high time to realize that you have lost a considerable amount of time in your life, especially if you are still not established in your career and are still a student. It is high time to start being productive and learning new skills. It’s never too late to learn something new.
The Internet has made learning new skills and being productive easier and more affordable than ever. You can try managing your day through a timetable. Allocate time evenly, even for small things like skincare, sleep, and everything that makes you happy.
5. Learn to tame your mind
After such an emotional breakdown, the thing that will bother you the most for quite some time now, if not taken proper care of, is your overthinking, so here lies the need to learn to tame your mind. The first step to do is to remember your mind is your own and not anyone else’s.
So learn to talk politely to it instead of trying to scold you; you are useless and good for nothing. Learn to praise your mind. The first you do after getting up is to greet your mind and admire the day and how beautifully awesome you are.
Feed your mind with positive thoughts because it is said what you keep saying to your mind for a long you eventually start believing, so it is very important to feed your mind with the right kind of thoughts. Tame your mind to think what you want to think rather than replaying the same scenes in your mind.
- Stop judging yourself and your capabilities for what someone else did to you
- Listen to yourself with patience and make yourself as heard and important as you make others feel.
- Know nobody on this earth is perfect so accept your imperfections
- Be mindful of what you say to others because, during this period, we either tend to go into silence mode or tend to be so vulnerable that people out the not-so-required details of our relationship.
- Engage yourself in some good reading stuff, go on a solo trip or binge some good content on OTTs
Looks for these signs to know you are doing good through this 30-day No Contact rule and beyond
- After spending considerable time with yourself and knowing what all you need to work on a time will come when you are not obsessed and begging your ex any more to know you passed this test with flying colors.
- Changes are difficult but the time you gain enough strength to accept new changes in your life towards making concrete decisions, half of the battle is won.
- Stop being bothered about the fact that your ex no longer gives you the attention he used to.
- You no longer have your ex to send you surprises or any gifts
- If you meet someone new, you start to show interest in them and know your No Contact rule has worked just right but keep in mind this can be a rebound, too, so don’t take things seriously until you are sure about it.
What to do after your 30 days are up?
After your 30-day no-contact rule is over, it’s time to bring on phase two of your plan. Most people think the end of the no-contact rule is when you can try and get back together, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Instead, take a step back and really consider how both of you have been feeling for the last month. If things are still far from good, then it’s probably in your best interest to reevaluate where your relationship stands before reaching out again.
Use this opportunity to remember why you first fell for each other by writing down some of those special moments, or think back on memorable conversations; they’re moments you’ll cherish forever! Taking small steps towards non-romantic communication will pick up momentum over time and can often open up new possibilities moving forward together or even apart.
Do you know what’s even better? Glowing up after the breakup! I mean, wouldn’t that be a polite slap on his face?
Should you tell him that you miss him?
Umm, there’s no right or wrong answer here, but it really depends on the situation. Here are a lot of pros and cons and why and how to tell him that you miss him. Or if you should even do that.
In short, it really depends on the person and the situation. Have you talked recently? Did you mutually decide to distance yourselves in some sort of attempt to re-establish a healthier relationship? It’s really up to you and how you feel. If asking yourself “what if?” isn’t going to help your mental health, heck yes, spill your feelings.
But if by telling him how much you miss him is prone to set off a vulnerable emotion within yourself, that’ll just add more stress — it may not be worth it. All in all, make sure that whatever decision you make makes sense for YOU because, guess what? You deserve the peace of mind!
Things to keep in mind when no-contact might not work
- If you guys live together, then it might be troublesome. To cut off contact for at least a month and move out of there. It is the least possible you can do. In that case, do let them know you want to take a break from them and move out.
- Once you have a child behind you, and, for some reason, it’s not possible to continue, think again. Keeping No contact isn’t a good idea in this case because you are responsible for the child’s upbringing. Try to keep the talks minimal and about the child itself.
- You guys are in the same school, college, or class.
- You run into them unintentionally at grocery stores or maybe just FWB.
I know it’s much more difficult than said but trust me, this shall pass; time will heal all your wounds.
How long does it take for an ex to miss you with no contact?
Well well, everyone wants to invite the ex back into their lives, but it’s definitely not a fast and easy process. We were taught that nobody ever wants what they can have right away! And wallah! Our beloved ex is no exception here.
This time of healing requires time and patience to reach some peace. Usually, people miss you more if they don’t hear from you much. No contact can actually expedite the process – crazily enough, reducing the amount of time they need to miss you!
Experts reckon this usually takes around four to eight weeks to really do its magic – so if you are looking for an answer to your question, ‘how long does it take for an ex to miss me with no contact?’, it could be around a month, honey pie.
Remember, though; there’s no set timeline here – everyone is on their own path and takes different amounts of time for different things!
Are 30 days too long for no contact?
When it comes to a no-contact agreement, 30 days may seem like a lifetime to some! But then again, if you’re trying to make a clean break with someone—in order words, get yourself out of an unhealthy space—then 30 days is actually the best amount of time.
Think about it this way: if you don’t give yourself enough time away (e.g., less than 30 days)—you won’t allow yourself to have real clarity since the issue may only be temporarily resolved. Whereas if your break is longer than needed (e.g., more than 40 days)––that could be emotionally stressful for both parties.
What is the success rate of the 30-day no-contact rule?
The no-contact rule is often touted as the ultimate cure for a broken heart, with promises of 100% success. But is it really that effective?
The truth is the success rate of the no-contact rule actually varies from person to person. In some cases, it has worked like a charm and allowed the exorcism of an ex from occupying your precious mental real estate so you can move on with your life.
For others, however, the opposite has been true, and they’ve found themselves irresistibly drawn back into the drama they were desperately trying to escape. It’s true that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to healing a broken heart, but if you feel like giving the no-contact rule a try, I say give yourself lots of TLC by baking cupcakes or trying a new hobby and focus on making YOURSELF happy first!
related articles to the 30-day no-contact rule
- I Miss Him. Should I Tell Him? Here’s A Guide For You To Know
- 21 Legit Signs You And Your Ex Are Meant To Be Together
- 19 Clear Signs Your Ex Is Waiting For You
- How To Glow Up After A Breakup: 16 Easy Ways To Be The Goddess That You Are