Friendship is a valuable commodity. Here are thirteen tips to help you navigate the waters and be friends with someone you love.
In this beautiful journey of life, we come across different people. While we all share different dreams and aspirations, one thing that we have in common is to have a good life partner with whom you can share yourself. You might also have that special someone who you think is The One.
But what if they don’t feel the same way about you? I know this is a hard pill to swallow. Whether the person is someone you are already friends with or not, deep in your heart, you do not want to lose touch with this guy/girl!
Well, staying friends with someone you love might not sound like a very easy thing to do, but it is not an impossible one.
You can distance your romantic affection towards the person and continue being good friends for a lifetime. After all, a strong friendship is still a gift in disguise. The only thing you need to take care of here is not to make things complicated and keep no expectations.
Personal story ahead: Skip if not interested! Before I start, let me give you a small example of a similar situation I experienced in my life. We had a small group of friends from school that consisted of 3 boys and 4 girls, including me.
Now, Richie and Andrew both had some sort of romantic feelings for Liza, who happens to be my best friend. This pretty lady was already dating someone and always considered Richie and Andrew as only friends, even when both of them had revealed their feelings for her.
Richie (whom I call the mature one – because I always felt that he was too mature given our age) gladly accepted Lisa’s decision about his feelings and continued staying friends. I saw their friendship growing each day.
On the other hand, Andrew slipped into depression, unable to accept Lisa’s rejection. It took a toll on his mental and physical health, but fortunately, with help from a therapist, he was back on track with reality.
However, in the midst of all this, Andrew happened to lose touch with Lisa. I still feel sorry for this guy who misses all the reunion parties we have each year. Just picture this story once and think about whether you want to be Richie or Andrew.
I am glad you chose to be Richie. So are you ready to know more about how to be friends with someone you love?
Follow suit, please!
But first, Can you be friends with someone you’re in love with?
On the one hand, it’s possible to nurture a supportive and caring friendship with a person you have feelings for, but on the other, it might be difficult to downplay your emotions in order to keep the relationship platonic.
Ultimately, it comes down to the individual situation and what both parties involved decide— which could mean maintaining a romantic or friendly connection.
My take? While having such strong feelings for someone can be intimidating, it doesn’t mean your connection must end! You just may need to work harder to define what that relationship should look like.
Finding a way to reconcile your close friendship with burgeoning emotions can be tricky and uncomfortable at times (because, let’s face it: who wants awkwardness? But it certainly is worth pursuing if you believe in preserving both aspects of your relationship.
So go ahead – chase and embrace that “friends who love each other” scenario and enjoy this wild ride!
How to be friends with someone you love
1. Always be honest and straightforward
Honesty forms the base of any relationship. This means you need to stay genuine in your friendship with the person in question. Be a person who can be trusted blindly. It might be uncomfortable to speak about your feelings to the person, but do not make attempts to build a friendship based on secrecy. Neither you nor your person deserves this.
Your emotion is yours, and theirs is theirs. You do not have the superpower to control your emotions. But if you have some feelings about him/her, be open about it.
If you are trying to get engaged in a friendship burying your feeling deep down within yourself, someday you are bound to burst and hurt this friendship.
2. Try hard to accept the reality
I won’t say it is pretty easy to become friends or stay friends with someone you have a crush on or maybe love, but it is not very difficult either. It is just an act of time. At first, it will look difficult, but with time, you will fit in quite well.
We are not always lucky to have all the things we love. Reality is harsh but gets better with acceptance. The sooner you learn to accept your present situation, the better your life becomes.
Never make any attempt to change it the way you want forcefully. This would harm you rather than do any good. Sometimes it is better to think that life has something else waiting for you, maybe better than what you are longing for.
Take a step back and acknowledge the fact that you are still lucky to be friends with that person who you love rather than longing about not being able to have a romantic relationship. Self-guilt will make things worse than you can imagine. So be happy and accept things you are getting with a big heart.
3. Give priority to yourself
We often end up spending time prioritizing things we want but cannot have. This slowly takes us down the path of depression. Once in depression, a person is likely to start lacking the desire to do things he or she once loved doing, restore to an unhealthy lifestyle, and overlook the good things happening.
This phase is something I never want anyone to experience. What you should do instead is start prioritizing yourself and your needs. Go on solo dates and learn more about what you love and what you don’t. Keep your needs on top of the list before thinking about anything or anyone else.
Once you start giving priority to yourself, you will feel better and slowly get rid of the depressing feeling you developed for not getting love back from the person you love.
The right person will come into your life at the right time. You don’t have to chase him/her and keep proving yourself worthy of love. Let me tell you a small secret- if you chase someone begging for love, most often, the person you are chasing end up considering it as a red flag or start taking you for granted.
Now you won’t want someone to take your love for granted and treat you like trash, right? So why not prioritize your needs, keep your romantic feelings away and start trying to be good friends? True friends are a dime a dozen.
4. Do respect them and treat them just like your other friends
When you are trying to be friends with someone you love, there is a chance that you might try to come up with some extra special behavior with this person. It is a BIG NO! Never show this special behavior syndrome. This is likely to pull things back.
Instead, always stay in your normal behavior. Do things you usually do to all the other friends you have. Nothing less, nothing more.
If you never drive your friends to the airport, never do this to the person you have a romantic feeling for but cannot be in a relationship with. And if she or he vents out for your act, stay calm as long as you try not to be a doormat. They will be fine. It is just a matter of time.
5. Move on and accept their relationship
Maybe they do not have romantic feelings for you, but that doesn’t mean they cannot be in a relationship with someone else. As a friend, it is your duty to accept their relationship and give your shoulder to him/her to share situations if they need it.
Do not feel happy if they are in pain and venge out because he/she once rejected you.
Do not disrespect their romantic partner. If you do this, you will end up losing the respect of two people – the person you love and their partner.
Accept their relationship and be happy for them, and move on. Your right one is waiting for you. Stay alert. Maybe that love you deserve is somewhere near you.
6. Respect each other’s boundaries
Now no matter why you can’t be together, if you have decided to become friends, then respect that and make your boundaries clear.
Respecting each other’s boundaries is an important part of being friends with someone you love. Everyone has different comfort levels when it comes to physical touch or emotional openness. And certain genuine rules are only going to stop you too from being too close.
For instance, if one person doesn’t want to be hugged, for example, the other person should respect that boundary and not hug them. So respect that!
7. Go on dates – solo and with others!
Have you stopped going on dates because someone you love does not have the same feelings for you? Hey man, get up! Breathe some fresh air and open an account on Tinder.
Hahaha, probably there are some better dating apps too, but this is the one that came to my concern as of now because one of my friends found his true love on Tinder, and guess what – they have been happily married now for already a year. How romantic, isn’t it?
But, of course, stay cautious. Do a little bit of research before heading out to the date to stay safe. You know why right!
Well, I didn’t mean to send you on dates to make that girl who rejected you feel jealous. Ahem! No jealousy game here!
8. Do not stay friends with expectations
Are you thinking of being friends with the person you love only with this expectation that one day you will be able to win their love for you? This is injustice.
I mean injustice to yourself and that person. What if you start a friendship or continue your journey of friendship with this expectation, and that never happens accordingly? You will end up hurting two people – yourself and that girl/boy you love.
True Friendship is defined as a relationship where you do not expect anything from each other, can stay true to your feelings, talk without being scared of judgment, and help each other whenever in need. Expectations only ruin things. You need to get that well before you think of being friends with someone you love.
Anyhow, it’s important to remember that you are not responsible for making each other happy all the time. Everyone has their own happiness that they need to find for themselves, so don’t expect too much from your friend.
9. Try to figure out what you actually want
Sometimes we get so obsessed about a certain thing or a certain person that we end up overlooking what we actually want to do in life. This includes your career choices as well as overlooking those who are actually interested in you romantically. To stay friends with someone you love, it is a big step to first take out some time for yourself and see what you actually want.
Do you want to be with someone who you love but who doesn’t have the same feelings for you or do you want to be with someone who loves and respects you in the same way you do for them?
Without question, I will always go for the second option.
Also, you must take note of the things you want to have in your ideal partner and the qualities the person you love has. Next, sit down and compare these two lists and check whether he/she is worth your chase for love. This will help you better to come out of this hurtful situation and make peace by being good friends.
10. Be there for one another during good times and bad times
You know what true friendship is? Being there for each other no matter what. I know it’s hard given your situation, but I am not asking you to stick to them 24×7. I am just asking you to show empathy and support to them wherever needed, no matter what you have been through and how things are currently.
If they are asking for a friend, you give them a shoulder. Rather than trying to force a romantic relationship, try to build a solid foundation of friendship. Be a good listener, be supportive, and be there for your friend when they need you.
11. Give each other space
And being there defo doesn’t ask for attacking their personal space.
Everyone needs some time alone, so it’s essential to give each other space too. If one person needs some time alone, the other person should respect that and not take it personally. Your goal is not to intrude in their space. You have no right to do that.
And maybe some space will also help you get over them faster. It’ll give you time to think, accept, adjust, and let go. So space is not always bad.
12. never give them special treatment
Trust me; there’s nothing worse than saying one thing and then doing another. If you have agreed to be friends, then stick to your ground.
Treating them differently than your other friends, replying super spontaneously, and always being there, is a big no-no. If there’s even a slight chance of you two uniting, your special treatment will only make them move further.
And here’s my theory for that. They’ll realize that you were never a true friend and all that you did was only to impress them. That’s not impressive, is it? Friendship is the ultimate foundation of every healthy relationship.
Is it what you want?
But this also does not mean that you treat them poorly. I am just asking for the usual normal treatment as your other friends.
13. Don’t try to change the other person
And accept them for who they are. That’s the least you can do if you want to be friends with someone you love. Not only is this a basic right of every human being in a relationship, but it may also make the other person feel that you are a good soul indeed.
Yes, people change for others. But only when they truly feel like it. No one can change anybody, no matter what the situation. So if you are even thinking that by being friends you’ll change them so, trust me, that’s not happening.
final thoughts on how to be friends with someone you love
Nothing is really that difficult if you try hard. This includes being friends with the person you love. Stop worrying about your romantic future and rejection. Remember, you will not always get what you want- rejection and failure are a part of life. Accept reality and move on! Your ideal partner is still waiting for you.
Keep practicing yoga every morning and get back to a proper lifestyle. Take care of yourself and love yourself. You are going to be in a better situation soon. And again, if you do not want to lose your friendship with the person you love, never forcefully ghost them, or the devil will haunt you every night! Instead, follow these tips to enjoy a sweet long lasting friendship.
Good luck, Pal!
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