Do your friends come and go like a rollercoaster? You sure need to know why!
“Friends are the cherry on top of the ice cream sundae of your family”- Anonymous.
Right from the beginning, we have been taught that our friends are our second family, the ones that we get to choose.
However, not all of us are lucky in friendship. Quite contrary to the sitcoms and Disney movies we have grown up watching, friends come and go, and that’s the harsh reality of life.
Misunderstandings, stress, disagreements- there are so many things that gradually create a rift between best friends. No matter how badly you want your best friend to be by your side forever, human relationships do fall apart.
But that’s okay!
You can and should move on, coz’ that’s how real life works!
If your friends have strayed away and you are feeling betrayed, then babe, know that 99% of the time, you are not the reason. It is life that is happening at its own natural pace!
Read on to find out why friendships generally do not last forever!
11 Reasons Friends Come and Go, and It’s Absolutely Okay!
1. You grew apart!
So, you have literally grown up together with your best friend. From sharing lunch at school recess to doing assignments, you have been together through all the thick and thin.
However, the old chemistry now seems to have lost its spark. You feel something amiss but can’t really point out what’s actually wrong.
If this is happening to you, then babe, it is high time you understand that you both have grown apart! In the process of growing up and exploring different stages of life, sometimes it happens that you realize that you need new friends. That there’s nothing common between you and your best friend.
Maybe the other person is not emotionally as mature as you are. Or maybe they are way too serious. Maybe this guy has always been toxic and selfish in nature.
Maybe while venturing into adulthood, your personalities and characters underwent a 360-degree change. Maybe now you do not have anything in common to talk about.
And in such a situation, it is absolutely okay to walk away. Do not hold a grudge if things do not work out between you two. Understand that it was mutual.
2. Long-distancing is ACTUALLY difficult.
Long distancing can be hard not just for couples but for good friends as well.
If you or your friend has recently moved to a new country or city for higher studies, work or familial reasons, then your friendship may suffer because of the distance.
It gets difficult to maintain a connection when the time zone differs. Also, physical distance does affect friendship.
You may not be able to call each other daily. It may get difficult to meet each other on birthdays. Family, work, and studies may hamper your daily friendship rituals.
Keeping in touch gets quite difficult when both of you have different sets of commitments, responsibilities and routines.
Long distancing between friends often gets restricted to Facebook and Instagram likes and comments.
3. There’s a stark difference in your lifestyles.
Lifestyle differences are a huge reason why even best friends fade away with time. You cannot vibe with someone whose lifestyle is completely opposite from yours. As simple as that!
Just consider this example! Julie is a corporate professional who works hard from 9 to 5 and has really big ambitions. She is slaying it in her profession. On the other hand, Rehana is a homemaker and a new mom whose world revolves around her newborn now, which is so cute too.
Julie and Rehana have been best friends for years. But now they don’t have much to talk about. Let alone catch up, they do not even get time to call each other because of their lifestyle choices.
Will you call this a breach of friendship? No!
Their friendship is slowly fading away coz’ they have different lifestyles, and there’s nothing wrong with it.
4. They have work priorities.
Friendships seem like a forever thing only until you do not step into the phase called adulthood. The moment you are done with your education, you start feeling the pressure of making the right career choices.
Professional excellence is one of the major goals in everyone’s lives. You cannot call someone selfish, greedy or selfish just because they want to put their 100% focus on their work.
If your best friend has started prioritizing his work over your friendship, you cannot and should not force him to take his profession leniently.
Let him fulfill his dreams. Let him make it big in life. You, too, should focus on your work and plan your future.
Make new friends who have similar life goals as yours.
5. They prioritize other relationships over your friendship.
Are you grudgeful toward your friend coz’ she prioritizes her BF over you? Please know that’s not how things work in real life!
If your best friend is now dedicating all her time to the love of her life and is unable to take time out for your friendship, let it be, bub!
Human relationships do get compromised when someone new comes into life.
Also, when you do not mind your friend focusing on their parents, siblings or relatives, why would you create a fuss when they prioritize their life partners?
Accept that most of your friends will not stay in your lives forever, and move on.
6. Both of you have different sets of expectations from the friendship.
Yes, expectations can hamper your friendships too!
Sometimes even a good friend drifts away because you guys have different expectations from your friendship.
Maybe he prefers partying all night. You, on the other hand, love to spend time with your friend in solitude. Maybe you love meeting with your friends in a cafe or mall. While he has other plans and wants to simply text you to have a heart-to-heart talk.
Just like you check compatibility when it comes to romantic relationships, similarly, compatibility also matters between two friends.
Having different sets of expectations can gradually create a rift between friends. And it is normal.
If something is bothering you and you feel your mutual difference, you should talk it out with your friend rather than keep it to yourself.
7. Maybe they came into your life with a motive.
God always places the right person in our lives at the right time.
During testing times when you are feeling alone, are broken from within, or are going through any rough phase of your life, you make seek new friends.
This is the time when some good friends will enter your life and be by your side. They will be there to heal you, support you and build you once again.
It is okay to get attached to them, but when the purpose is solved, God will slowly move them away from your life.
The universe works in this mysterious way, and we humans should acknowledge and embrace the reality of life. Be grateful that someone was by your side when you needed them the most. Thank the Almighty that he sent someone to bring you out of the mess.
8. Friendship, too, can be one-sided!
There are a lot of similarities between love and friendship. For instance, friendship, too, can be one-sided.
There will be friends who will remember you only when they need you. The same can be true on your part as well. Ask yourself if you call or meet your friends when you need their favor.
When one of you realizes that the friendship has been one-sided all these years, things are bound to fall apart. At one point or the other, the other person will stop serving as a doormat for their friends.
Babe, there’s nothing to feel bad about it. Remember that the effort should always be two-sided, even in friendships.
9. It gets impossible to juggle so many things at a time.
As we grow up, life eventually gets hectic. It gets almost impossible to create a balance between professional and personal life.
We literally struggle to take time out for our loved ones, responsibilities, physical and mental health and so on. Money and professional accomplishments take the lead, while personal life takes the backseat.
In that case, you cannot expect your friend to keep up with you. You cannot feel bad just because your friends are not able to juggle so many things at a time.
10. Your life goals are completely different.
The goals that you set for your life actually matter in the long run! And when these goals vary from person to person, you will defo experience friction.
Most people set their life goals from an early stage. But some late bloomers are also there. What matters is that you have clarity regarding what you want from life.
But if you and your friends are poles apart when it comes to life goals, then it will definitely hinder your friendship.
For instance, if you are ambitious and wish to make it big in life, then it is natural for you to work immensely hard to reach closer to that goal. You will love to talk about the same with your friend.
On the other hand, if your friend is someone who prefers keeping it low-key and does not have many expectations from life, and is not that keen to work hard, she will avoid such talks and situations.
There won’t be much left to discuss. You will consider her as lazy. She will tag you as over-ambitious.
Striking the right balance between your goals will get impossible.
This is when people change. You won’t even realize when the two of you have strayed apart from each other.
But again, knowing what you want from life and keeping all hurdles and distractions at bay is indeed a good thing. Stop feeling bad about it!
11. Values and ideologies set you two apart.
If your values and ideologies do not match, then it will be really hard to sustain your friendship.
Suppose you are a staunch supporter of eco-friendly movements. Your friends, on the other hand, consider these movements as political gimmicks and a waste of time.
Clashes are bound to happen, lady! You cannot stay friends with someone whose feelings, thoughts, and ideas are totally different from yours.
If you are a hopelessly romantic girl, you cannot thoroughly cherish your friendship with someone who enjoys one-night stands.
You cannot change someone, bub. So, it is better to walk away with grace and cherish those beautiful memories for a lifetime.
When is the Right Time to Finally Let Go Of a Friend?
Here are five friendship red flags that you must take seriously. When you see them, know it’s time!
- You should always feel safe and secure with your friends. But if you feel hurt or sad whenever you are with your friends, it is time to let go.
- One of the main reasons you are with your friends is that their company gives you happiness. But if their presence bothers you, or their comments seem hurtful, or their negativity seems like pulling you down, then it is time to call it a quit.
- If your best friend never encourages you to strike a balance between your love life and friendship, if they always want you to be with them, if they are always resentful about how your partner, then it is time to say goodbye to your friends.
- In case your friends never make time for you, and seek your support all the time, go MIA when you need them the most, then it is time to bid adieu to your friends.
- Do you always find them lying to you?
Do they never run out of lies and excuses?
A dishonest person can never be a good friend. The best thing will be to walk away and move on in life.
Parting Thoughts on Why Friends Come and Go!
Friends come and go, and that’s how it will be forever. I know losing a friend hurts like hell, but then change is the only constant in life.
Your friends will change. You yourself will change. Darling, losing a friend is better than staying in a toxic bond where you cannot stand each other.
You will wonder why they don’t stick with you for a lifetime. But the harsh truth is that eventually, you all will forget and forgive.
You will remember your past with a smile on your face and will share those fond stories with your children later on in life. Stop feeling hurt just because your childhood or college friendships did not work out.
Instead, get up, work towards your life goals, and make new friends. And most importantly, befriend like-minded people.
Take time to heal your heart. Seek solace in a genuine relationship. Sending power and love your way!
Take care, bub!
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